


Thoughts into Words

by aykayem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aykayem/pseuds/aykayem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Theo gets stuck a little too deep in his own head, and that's when Draco's there to help pull him back out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts into Words

"I don't know how I could ever expect to understand death."

It was such a seemingly irrelevant way to start a conversation that Draco jumped a little, trying to wrap his head around exactly how they got from the latest Quidditch scores to this terribly depressing conversation. Perhaps he was a bit old-fashioned in his logic, but he thought that there were a good handful of topics that needn't be mentioned when people were just lounging about in their pyjamas on good couches in otherwise empty parlours. It was probably the most casual use that parlour had since the end of the war, since virtually everyone just stopped going there.

Between the war, the trials following, the gossip, the comments made under one's breath as they passed, to say that the Malfoy family had suffered was akin to saying that the sky was perhaps getting a little grey whilst in the middle of a thunderstorm. Each member of the family was fairly certain they had suffered the most, but that they'd all suffered as a group as well. Draco, perhaps the most self-centred of the lot, had taken to relative silence and had withdrawn more than any one person should have; it was half a wonder that he even got out of the house at all some days. His head was everywhere sometimes - lost everywhere but down on earth, caught up in some outlandish dream of what could've been if only he made a different decision along the line.

He'd been trying so hard for normalcy, but it seemed just out of reach. After all, his parents had escaped England after the war trials were all said and done with, trying to regain a grip on their lives outside the harsh, judgemental setting of wizarding London; Draco was all but alone in the house most days and nights, left with just a few stuttering house-elves and the owls for company. His friends had slowly but surely distanced themselves, most of them - Pansy had moved onto greener pastures with a flounce; Blaise had just quietly dropped out of everyone's lives (perhaps to Italy); Crabbe was dead, and Goyle wasn't exactly the forgiving type. Without Theo showing up without warning, Draco wasn't sure what he'd have done.

And really, with conversations like this, he still wasn't sure what to do.

"What?"

Theo glanced up from where he had his nose in a book on the other end of the couch, frowning a little at whatever it was he was reading; Draco honestly couldn't remember, if he knew at all. He barely knew what he was reading, let alone what his friend had in the seemingly never-ending stack of books he rotated through.

"Just think about it, mate," Theo started, shifting to curl up properly, facing Draco a little bit more. His frown remained true, his eyes slightly distant as if he was thinking too hard about something - you could practically watch the gears turning in his head. "It's such a huge thing. One of the great opposites - life and death, you know? And here we are, tiny specks in the grand scheme of things, barely able to work your dad's radio, for Merlin's sake-"

He fluttered one hand towards the aforementioned device, currently tuned into some station that played relatively calming classical music, and finally blinked himself back to reality. His eyes were much more focused when they returned to Draco's face, which remained clearly bemused.

"We barely understand electricity, and Muggles use that every day. Neither of us has ever been in a vehicle-"

"Steel death traps," Draco helpfully supplied.

"Right," Theo agreed, shifting a little where he sat. "But my point is…what _do_ we understand? Magic? We couldn't make up our own charms. Nothing of consequence, at least. We're not exactly going to be the next… The next bloody geniuses here. We're not going to write textbooks that students at Hogwarts are going to find on their shopping list for fifth year or something." He cut himself off then, one hand moving to massage his temples.

Draco found himself helpless to watch the entire matter, unsure where it had come from - some sense of insecurity, of insignificance, of something, perhaps. Eventually Theo closed the book in his lap over a bookmark, lapsing into silence as he tried to figure out how to put his thoughts into words; the silence grew lengthy and awkward until Draco finally had to glance away, carding one hand through his hair as he pulled his legs up to his chest. Only then was there a crack in the silence, barely perceptible for how soft the comment was:

"I understand so little about…everything… I don't even know how I exist. Not really."

Draco tipped his head to one side, resting one cheek on his knees, exhaustion drawing his face into an expression of mild sympathy and confusion, "Who says you have to understand everything?"

"Why else does it happen? I refuse to believe that things just happen and we have to accept them, Draco."

The blond shrugged one shoulder, shaking his head a little.

"Don't know. What other explanation is there for it? I think the moment you start to understand everything around you is the day you start getting terribly jaded, and nothing's worth it any more," he murmured, frowning to himself now, shifting so that he could study his hands.

"Are you calling me jaded, mate?" Theo asked, some of the previous strain in his voice disappearing as they drifted back into familiar territory. Territory made up of mocking each other and making petty, pointless jabs, instead of focusing too hard on existentialist topics and death. They'd both seen too much of the latter for it to trickle like this into their every day conversation. It wasn't a topic people ought to discuss over tea.

"What would you do if I were?" Draco asked, letting a small flicker of a smirk tug at his mouth.

"You sure you want to know?"

"Please. It can't be worse than half the stuff you muttered about at school."

"Try me," Theo replied with his own smirk. The pair of them still looked tired, world-weary, but it was slightly less so now, as though they'd been allowed back into the world of the teenagers they were, instead of being veterans of a war they hadn't wanted anything to do with. Things were allowed to be a little bit more normal now, or at least to adopt a facade that made a good play at being normal. Nothing would really be the same as it had been before, but as they both cracked proper smiles for the first time in too long, it seemed as though maybe they could give it a shot.


End file.
